So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
