fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
