can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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