never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
