what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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