which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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