Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
