I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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