these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
