Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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