Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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