Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
