i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
