The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
