I just pynch a tree in the face
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
