i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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