I think I am morally bankrupt
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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