Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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