Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
