Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
