You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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