I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
