I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
