and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
