"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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