This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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