I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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