There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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