I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The uberlube is also flammable
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm always down for nudity.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
