garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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