i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
