The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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