If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
