hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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