My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
