Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
