im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
