i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
