I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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