it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
