I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
