After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
