then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
