if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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