with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
