checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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