so let's talk penis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize