Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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