K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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