I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
