you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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