Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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