he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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