I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
