why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
