The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
