i permit you to call me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
