Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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