I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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