it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
