So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
