i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
