So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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