i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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